From “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life”
Transcribed by Dave Bregman
There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists,
there are Hindus and Mormons and then
there are those that follow Mohammed, but
I’ve never been one of them.
I am a Roman Catholic
and have been since before I was born,
and the one thing they say about Catholics is
they’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.
You don’t have to be a six-footer.
You don’t have to have a great brain.
You don’t have to have any clothes on, you’re
a Catholic the moment dad came
…Because…
Every sperm is sacred,
every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Every sperm is sacred,
every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Let the heathens spill theirs,
on the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
each sperm that can’t be found.
Every sperm is wanted,
every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed,
in your neighborhood.
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
spill theirs just anywhere
but God loves those who treat their
semen with more care.
(misc choruses)
Every sperm is useful,
every sperm is fine.
God needs everybodies,
mine, and mine, and mine.
Let the pagans spill theirs
on mountain hill and plain.
God shall strike them down for
each sperm that’s spilled in vain.
(misc. choruses and finale)