CUT TO interior of medieval hall. A large group of armored KNIGHTS are engaged in a well choreographed song-and-dance routine of the very up-beat ‘If they could see me now’ type of fast bouncy number. The poorer verses are made clearer by CUTTING to a group of knights actually engaged in the described task while the line itself is sung. They sing:
We’re knights of the round table
We dance whene’er we’re able
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
We’re knights of the Round Table
Our shows are formidable
But many times
We’re given rhymes
That are quite unsingable
We’re opera mad in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm a lot.
Booming basses. A routine where two XYLOPHONISTS play parts of KNIGHTS’ armor producing a pleasing effect.
In war we’re tough and able.
Between our quests
We sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
It’s a busy life in Camelot.
SINGLE MAN: I have to push the pram a lot.
CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and BEDEVERE and COMPANY as we had left them.
ARTHUR: No, on second thought, let’s not go to Camelot.
ARTHUR: It is a silly place.
They set off again almost immediately they are suffused in ethereal radiance and strange heavenly choir music. The PAGES, horselike, take fright for a moment, they whinny and rattle their coconuts. ARTHUR and the KNIGHTS fall on their knees. A holy voice booms out.
GOD: Arthur! Arthur … King of the Britons …
They all prostrate themselves even further.
GOD: Oh, don’t grovel … do get up! If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people groveling!!
ARTHUR and COMPANY rise.
ARTHUR: Sorry …
GOD: And don’t apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it’s sorry this and forgive me that and I’m not worthy and … What are you doing now?
ARTHUR: I’m averting my eyes, Lord.
GOD: Well, don’t.
GOD: I really don’t know where all this got started.
GOD: It’s like those miserable psalms. They’re so depressing. Now knock it off.
ARTHUR: Yes, Lord.
GOD: Right. Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times …
ARTHUR: Good idea, O Lord!
GOD: Course it’s a good idea.
Suddenly another light glows beside GOD or possibly within the light which is GOD a shape slowly starts to form.
GOD: Behold … Arthur … this is the Holy Grail …
GOD: … the Sacred Cup from which Christ drank at the Last Supper …
The form in the bright light is just discernible as an iridescent chalice … the KNIGHTS gasp.
GOD: Look well, Arthur … for it is your sacred task to seek this Grail. It begins to fade. Music crescendo as both lights fade. That is your purpose Arthur … the Quest for the Holy Grail …
It is gone. All the KNIGHTS are left gasping in awe and wonderment. They all turn and look at ARTHUR.
LAUNCELOT: A Blessing. A blessing from the lord.
BEDEVERE: Praise be to God! An awed pause, then ARTHUR rallies them. ARTHUR: We have a task, we must waste no time! To Camelot!
GALAHAD: God be praised!
Stirring music crescendo. They ride off.
CUT TO TITLES SEQUENCE Animation: “The Quest For The Holy Grail”