A KNIGHT is trotting along through a wooden sun-dappled glade, followed by his trusty PAGE banging the usual half coconuts. As we see them approach we hear the beautiful lilting sound of medieval music, and see that the KNIGHT is followed by a small retinue of MUSICIANS in thirteenth-century courtly costume, one sings, and plays the tambourine, one bangs at a tabor (A small drum O.E.D.) and one plays the pipes.
The KNIGHT looks very proud and firm as we hear the first part of the song, but the combination of the lyrics and the large signs they pass, start to have their effect …
SONG:
Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot,
He was not afraid to die, Oh Brave Sir Robin,
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin.
His head smashed in, and his heart cut out,
And his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged,
And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off,
And his penis split … and his …
ROBIN: Er, That’s … That’s enough music for a while, lads. It Looks as though like there’s dirty work afoot.
SINGERS: Brave, Sir Rob …
ROBIN: Shut up.
They have ridden past the following signs, all in triplicate:
CAMELOT 43 CERTAIN DEATH I
CAMELOT 43 CERTAIN DEATH I
CAMELOT 43 CERTAIN DEATH I
BEWARE GO BACK DEAD PEOPLE ONLY
BEWARE GO BACK DEAD PEOPLE ONLY
BEWARE GO BACK DEAD PEOPLE ONLY